Defining Success

Success - what is it?  Sometimes I wonder how it should be defined.... Do I define it, does someone else or does society???  I think I define success for myself and only myself and this is a belief that has been starting to emerge.  I mean I have always believed it but until recently I realized that I have been trying to live up to other peoples standards and doing things because others think it would be a good move for me or I have a fear of displeasing someone.  Don't get me wrong, those feelings haven't completely left but I am finally starting to figure out what I want.

I started this journey to get a better body - be more fit, feel and look sexier and along the way to gaining increased confidence and self esteem and personal acceptance, I have started to find Amanda aka Mandy.  Yes I said it, I found Mandy (who I have always been known as up until I was about 16 or so).  I am really starting to get connected to who I was meant and destined to be however got lost along the way.  Don't get me wrong, I am happy with where I am at - I love my boyfriend, my friends, my family, my life and anything I am not happy scratch that satisfied with, I am working on a plan to change.  I feel like I am finally waking up from holding myself back and being a victim of my past without even knowing it.

As all of you know, we recently returned home from a long vacation (3 weeks) - we came back early because we bought to trucks in Washington to rebuild and sell (old trucks - 48 & 51 Chevys).  Anyways, one that trip I went through a lot of different things.  First I found out that I bring entirely too much stuff and that I over estimate my time and what I can do while I am gone, its just me and something that I can now work on because I could have definitely saved some space in the truck.  Second, I appreciate Kirk and love him more every day,  He is truly a special man and someone I look forward to growing old with.  We are really starting to make our dreams come true and our communication and support of each other is growing stronger and stronger with every conversation and day we are together.  Thirdly, accepting people the way they are instead of the way I want them to be, which is part of the victim role. I did some real "work" on my emotional baggage while I was in WA seeing my dad about my relationship with my dad and that has really opened me up to seeing things different.  Coincidence or destiny??  I think it was destined for me to do the work while I was visiting him, it really helped me appreciate who my father is as a man.  Fourthly - I really try to do too many things and even with vacation and my blog - I was so hopeful about what I could actually accomplish and I have to admit that I had a very difficult time doing everything I wanted to do in my last blog, especially the fitness piece.  Fifth and probably most important, it is important to be in the moment and enjoy where you are at in the world and who you are spending your time with.  Sometimes just being is more important that doing.

So back to where I started, "Success."  Before I left on vacation for almost a month, I weighed 178.6, which is much higher than my competition weight of 160, weight is just a number and relative, not the definition of success, I have.  My coach and I talked about nutrition being the key for me (she must know me better than I know myself sometimes - didn't workout nearly as much as I planned or wanted to which I was fine with).  She recommended that my level for success is coming home after the vacation weighing within 5 pounds of when I left, come one I was gonna be gone a month.  I was hopeful I would lose 10 pounds while on vacation(what was I thinking??? Lofty goals, but I really accepted that learning to manage my nutrition and being within 5 pounds after a month was perfectly acceptable and probably more realistic.)  We talked about me taking my measurements weekly, so I could have some measurable feedback about my progress and also what types of foods I should be focused on eating.  Remember, we were going on a road trip for a month and we would be staying in various hotels and other peoples homes, so I would have little control over certain things and would be completely out of my comfort zone. We agreed that I would stay away from starchy carbs for the most part (come on I was on vacation... I wanted a bite here and there, so I stole them from Kirk's plate).  I focused on eating protein, veggies, fruit, and fat, yes I said fat.  So eggs and caon with fruit was a perfect morning meal.  Ranch or blue cheese dressings on my salad was fine because I didn't eat the bread or have croutons and I always loaded up with protein.  Many times I ordered chicken with two sides of veggies for dinner and you know what, IT WORKED!!!!  I am proud to say after 3 weeks of vacation, eating out pretty much every meal, I came home and weighed in at 178.4, which is .2 pounds LESS THAN what I was when I left!!!!!!!!!!  How amazing is that!!!!  What a feeling of accomplishment, that I made sure I shared with whoever would listen, finally I feel like I have learned how I can eat for life and not feel deprived or like a failure..

So again back to Success.  Success, means all kinds of things including just staying the same, learning new skills, finding balance or challenging yourself to find something that works.  I found success on vacation and now that I am home there is no stopping me.  I can enjoy many of the same things others around me like - I have just figured out a variation that works for me.  Success is about you and only you!!  Not your significant other, parents, children, friends, family members, co-workers or clients, Success is about you.  I found success in realizing that I can master my nutrition and for the first time ever I came home from vacation lighter.  All by figuring out what works for me.  In doing this, I think both Kirk and I realized that we can both enjoy what we want or that I can eat a "Special way" and he can still eat how he wants.  And that is perfectly okay.  Since we have been home, I have been cooking healthy food but serving it slightly different - I make very lean Sloppy Joe's with a homemade sauce, Kirk eats it on a bun and I topped it on grilled zucchini.  We both loved it!!  I feel good and he feels good.

What does all this mean for you??  Well start thinking about how you measure success.  Then ask yourself, why do I measure it that way??  Is it coming from me and what I want for myself and my life or is this someone else's expectation or desire for me?  Once you start figuring out the answers to these questions you will be able to find more success and maybe even more satisfaction in what you are doing in your life.

 Remember, Success has many meanings and identifying the one that is right for you is personal.  Comparing yourself to someone else's standards including societies, or sometimes even your own only sets you up for disappointment and frustration and feeling like a failure.  With all of that, my challenge for you is to start to identify how you measure your success.  Explore what it looks like and why it looks like that.  And one final question to ask is "Is this my measure or someone else's?"  Trust yourself and find your definition of success, one that makes you feel confident and satisfied with who you are.

Summary of Our First week of Vacation

So as many of you know – Kirk and I have taken one month off and are on vacation.  We have now been officially been gone a week and I wanted to share some of what I have been struggling with, found success with and basically how it has been going.

I decided to plan food for this trip, which I think has made a huge difference overall.  We brought a big cooler and filled it with water, other drinks, and food.  The food I packed for the trip was mostly healthy clean food so I wouldn’t be tempted by hunger at our fuel stops.  In the cooler, there was beef jerky, think thin protein bars, almonds, grapefruit, cherries, unsalted peanuts, organic trail mix, lunch meat, cheese, lettuce leaves for lettuce wraps, and so much more healthy food.  I have to admit it was a success!!!  Not only did it help me stay on track, it helped my man.  Instead of buying junk food we were able to have a roadside lunch that healthy and inexpensive.  I was never tempted to get anything from the local fuel store and in fact we never really went inside of them except when we wanted coffee. 

My food planning also has worked out for snacks and lunches since we have been in one of my favorite places, Coos Bay, OR.  To my surprise Kirk has really enjoyed the lettuce wraps.  However, we have been eating out as well and eating with family friends.  This has offered me some challenge.  When planning with my coach we agreed that I would do protein, veggies, fruits, and healthy fats; and that I would stay away from starchy carbs like bread, pasta, potatoes, etc.  I have to admit for the most part I have been able to do this.  It has offered me challenges where there aren’t substitutions, so what I have done is just ordered my food without potatoes or allowed Kirk to eat them if he wanted them.  Although I admit I have had a bite here and there of some of my favorites from his plate, biscuits and gravy, blueberry pancakes, etc. and I also have made choices on when to indulge a little more on my own plate.  This though is something I have to watch and make sure I really want it and that is it for the week, which has been hard.  So this is something I am still working on perfecting.

For workouts, I decided that there are many things I can do that don’t require weights (although I love my weights and wish I could have them at the beach).  I brought my workout log book, a couple bands, my plyo workouts (which take up no space other than what is needed in my head), and the idea of walking/running on the beach with my dog.  So far I have done lots more walking than anything else, which is fine because part of my plan is recovery time and walking on the beach with Kirk and our dogs is definitely recovery time.  I did get two “real” workouts in this past week – 500 walking lunges and a 20 minute plyo workout.  I will try to pick up the workouts this next week - increase to 4-5 days.

I mentioned the recovery time/activities.  This is an important piece of fat loss without it losing fat becomes more difficult and all the workouts and healthy nutrition can be undermined by unmanaged stress.  And recently I have had a lot of major stress with work.  I had been trying to manage it but truth be told I feel overwhelmed and completely helpless at work.  Enough work talk, though I am on vacation and don’t want to think about that place.  What is important about this piece is that I am finally taking the time to recover and rejuvenate by slowing down the pace, enjoying the ocean views and ocean water as it wash over my feet.  It is the Northwest Coast – so the ocean is pretty darn cold and the temp outside has been maybe a high of 67 which for you who live in AZ know – that is like our winter. Needless to say - we haven't been swimming in it.

The last thing I planned to do to help keep myself in line was to measure myself every week.  This will help keep things in perspective about what I am doing.  I was planning on bringing my scale but I didn’t do it, for a couple reasons. Kirk thought I was crazy and said “you’re on vacation.”  I talked to him about my goals and what I wanted to be able to do and that I want my vacation to be a healthy one not one I regret and undo all the work I have already done, plus it’s not like we are leaving for a weekend.  We are planning to be gone a whole month.  So I settled with something I thought was reasonable and that I talked with my coach about – a measuring tape.  This is small easy to carry and would help me see where I was at with my body.  I am happy to say that although my measurements have been up since I stopped training for the competition, they were down when I measured yesterday from when I measured before we left and this makes me feel great!!

With all the above said here is what I am going to work on this week and also the things you can do as well when you go on vacation:

1) Continue to order food that is basically protein and veggies only (order double veggies when possible) – Stay AWAY from starchy carbs.  Bring in my own fruit to eat if they don’t offer a substitute for starchy carbs.  We have found Denny’s is a great option and very accessible when traveling.

2) Limit bites of Kirks food – only one nicely sized bite if it is something I am really craving – otherwise I will steer clear of it.

3) Allow myself one cheat meal a week – however on that day I need to make sure I do a workout. No excuses.

4) Workout 4-5 times per week – even if it is only 15 minutes – I need to be doing something to keep my muscle tone and help burn fat.  No more excuses.  The other day I did a 20 minute workout when Kirk was getting ready & watching tv. 

5) Continue recovery walks and activities with Kirk and the dogs.  Remember vacation is supposed to be fun and enjoyable.  Treasure the moments and soak them in. 

6) Measure my body once weekly and email my coach with progress.  If you are working with a coach it is important to continue to be in communication with them, so he/she can continue to support you and your goals.  Also this keeps you focused on your goals even though you are on vacation.  Just because vacation is here doesn’t mean you forget about what you want.  My focus is still present and I am using this is another opportunity to challenge myself and learn how to manage temptations as well as grow stronger and more focused.  (My hope is that I lose a little while on vacation but if I just stay the same I will be incredibly happy).

Overall on vacation it is important to recover from stress and rejuvenate yourself.  Be thoughtful of your choices and plan when you can.  I have been able to eat pretty much anywhere we have gone just by staying committed to what I am choosing to eat.  Short quick workouts keep you moving in the right direction without taking up too much time and some days my workout has consisted of running on the beach with my dogs and hiking up to an amazing waterfall (Raven & I sprinted up hill and ran downhill to both of them for a short distance).  The point is to make it work for you without feeling an increase in stress by doing it.

Remember you always have a choice even when on vacation, so choose it wisely and you won’t be disappointed when you return.