My first Bikini Competition was Saturday April 7, 2012 and above are some of my pictures from the stage. I had an awesome time. It was amazing and I felt so confident. I was very happy that I got to share my experience with my friends and my boyfriend!
I learned a lot of things during the competition. First it is a lot harder than it looks. Posing on stage in the right sequence, slow yet fast enough, and with the right attitude, charisma and peppy personality that the judges are looking for, all while fighting off your nerves. Oh and don't forget to smile, that is so important. Then if you remember and make it through all that, next you have to pose while waiting for all the other girls to do their thing. It is a lot to do and boy can a girls back get sore trying to hold some poses. Wait forgot to say that you have to remember not to slouch, stand up tall and sexy, yet graceful and elegant.
The whole experience was surreal at times. We went to check in on Friday night and luckily went early and we were done quickly. Luckily I got to compete with one of my friends and we were standing next to each other, it was awesome! I loved being able to share the experience with two of my friends. I really looked to them for guidance since they both had competed before. Next we the competitors meeting before prejudging where they provided us the information we needed for the competition. Basically the outline of the day and evening. After that it was getting ready for prejudging and a lot of waiting. During that time we took time to talk, watch the other competitors and prepare ourselves for our walk on stage. While I was talking to my friend Stephanie, she shared with me that she had gotten sick about 3 weeks before the competition and wasn't going to compete however our friend Brandi shared with her my blog. She told me that as she was reading it, I became her inspiration for competing and that is the only reason she was at this competition because of me and my story motivating her. Brandi acknowledged the same thing. That was so humbling and I wanted to cry, but Steph reminded me I wasn't wearing waterproof mascara or eye liner. I think I am still in a little bit of a shock that I was motivating them, I was looking up to them and they were in turn looking for inspiration and motivation.
As many of you know I created a progression collage, to keep with me in case I started to get doubtful of my worthiness to be there, in case I started to compare myself to other women. I did create it and I actually found a picture from 2009 when I was like 215 pounds. I added it to my collage, I still can't believe that was actually me. I don't even look like the same person! What I found there was I didn't even really need it. I only looked at it a couple of times, and mostly to show other people my progress. It was amazing to me how I felt included, no one looked at me funny or talked behind my back or whispered as I walked by. Both women and men alike were nice, social and mostly concerned about themselves and their friends. The people that I knew and that I met told me how great I looked. I ended up hearing stories about other women also losing 20 plus pounds to compete. Another thing I noticed as I looked around at everyone, was that most all the women had some time of wiggle, jiggle or stretch mark or something they were concerned about. I actually heard one beautiful lady talk about her butt and how it isn't that great but its hers and she working it. Mind you I thought it was pretty amazing. So everyone of them had their own insecurities but that didn't stop them from competing.
As we watched some of the other competitors, I saw a women who was in the Master's Class looking very fit and sexy come out on stage and do her poses. As I was watching her I happened to notice that she had the worst stomach stretch marks I had ever seen on a woman (however she definitely had tight and toned abs), and this is something I know from my friends with children, many of them are self conscious about. But as I watched her, I wasn't drawn to them, I was drawn away from them, by her confidence, her smile and her overwhelming inner beauty. I thought, how amazing that this woman is to be able to have so much inner strength and self confidence that she is not letting something on the outside of her body hold her back. I found so much power in watching her and I wish that every woman I knew had the confidence she had. She stood tall and strong, proud of who she was regardless of other peoples perceptions because that's all they are anyways, someone else's perception, which we don't need to ingest or take on, because that's that persons shit.
I felt very normal and it was weird that I didn't get nervous until I was just about to walk on stage for the first time, only because I kind of expected to be a little nervous, but instead it felt natural probably from all the visualization that my coach had me do. As I walked on to stage I had so many things running through my head of what to do and what to remember, smile, pose, look at the judges, etc. oh and have fun - most importantly. While I was on stage posing, I heard my boyfriend cheering for me, probably because he yelled "Poohpotch" which for some reason is his nickname for me. I saw my friend Brandi cheering me on and both those things helped me feel good and confident on stage, that I was just as deserving to be there as the next competitor.
I was invigorated with positive power and energized by the whole experience. Again something that I wish every woman I know could experience (even if she doesn't want to do bikini competition). As we took pictures backstage, I found that when I reviewed them I couldn't believe how great I looked and that truly I wasn't much bigger than my friends. I didn't look like a lard ass (which I don't believe about myself but was concerned those negative thoughts would try to derail me), in fact I felt like I looked incredibly sexy. (In fact, after seeing some of the pictures of me from the back, I started to thing those things but I was able to get those out of my head once I remember what my journey has been and that I am the sexist, fittest, strongest, healthiest, and thinnest me)
During the break between prejudging and finals, my boyfriend told me he couldn't remember when I looked so sexy, so good and that he thought in that moment, that was the sexist and most beautiful I had ever looked. I think he was right not because of what I looked like on the outside but because I had the inner beauty glow beaming through my skin, confidence and inner strength pumping through my veins, and the feeling of success pumping my heart and filling my lungs with every breathe I took. Achieving a goal that I had set for years, agreed 1000% with me and it showed. I definitely glowed and I think I am still glowing, :o)
I felt proud of myself and my accomplishment of a significant goal for myself. I still feel very proud of myself and I am so looking forward to competing again in 6 months. I can't wait to see what I can do in the next six months....maybe figure instead of bikini, but I will make that decision in about 4 months. For now, I am going to enjoy the current feelings of celebration and success that are present in my mind and body. I will continue to regain some balance and start creating a sustainable lifestyle which includes fitness and healthy nutrition. Because competition mode is very difficult personally and on your relationships. I will continue to workout six days a week but only once per day for now and continue my fat loss and body change journey.
I want to be the best me I can. I also want to help other women achieve this feeling and make the changes they want in their lives. One thing that I didn't expect when I started this blog or through about when I decided to share my story was how it would motivate and inspire other women. I feel honored that some of them have sought me out to help them achieve their goals. What is ironic in a way, is that I am inspired by hearing that I have inspired and am inspiring others. As I have completed this journey, I had no idea how far my story would read or how it would impact others, I did it in the beginning to hold myself accountable and to get support to continue through my journey to the stage. But yet my journey does not end at the stage, the stage was just my first stop along my journey. And as Bruce Lee said "Remember, success is a journey not a destination. Have faith in your ability. You will do just fine." And that I did, just fine!! I had no expectations of winning and even if I placed last in my division, it doesn't matter because I am now a bikini competitor and I have achieve a goal that has been on my goal list for more than five years. I was a winner before I walked into prejudging and I am a winner now!!
I want to leave you with one last thought - this was a magnet a dear friend gave me because she was so proud of my perseverance and dedication to my goal of competing:
What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
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