2/20/12 – Continuation of Reflections from Lori Harder’s Coaching Call
Part of the discussion about having to work for what you want and how to stay focused once you decide and commit to a goal. Lori reflected that once you commit to a goal that it is important that you keep going in order to reach your results and that you will reach your goal as long as you don’t quit. I decided a long time ago that it was important for me to become healthier and to lose weight/fat and become more fit. I got up to between 212-215 which was super unhealthy. I didn’t feel good, I had no energy and my self esteem was low. I decided that it was time to make a change and slowly but surely I would lose weight/fat and look between. I trained with marital arts and I really loved it. I made the decision to get a regular gym membership to be able to visit the gym more since the boxing gym was a little ways away and open limited hours. I definitely saw results however I would lose – stay – lose – stay and then become distracted – fall back then lose – stay. I finally decided with the help of a health coach through my insurance that I needed a goal to focus on and then Brandi set me a notice about the Jay Cutler Desert Classic Bikini/Figure Competition and so I decided that I would compete. This was something that I had been wanting to do for a while and now I am in the process of training for the competition. I have been working with my coach for about a month and I have less than 7 weeks to prepare for the show. I have had many challenges along the way and one thing that came out of Lori Harder’s call was that you may have to “RE-ROUTE UNTIL YOU GET THERE.” This speaks to me now because I have continued to struggle with being consistent, eating all my meals, drinking a gallon of water, hitting all my workouts and NOT cheating. It has been hard. I have had to rethink a lot of things, including how to meet all of the expectations for myself, work and my relationship. I just had to sit down again and think about how to make things more flexible and easy for me to do. There are only 7 weeks left and that is good and hard at the same time. Good because I have a deadline ahead of me and hard because it doesn’t leave me much room for error. I have made great progress however, I know that if I could be more consistent and more focused, I can make even greater progress than I am now. Don’t get me wrong I am doing a great thing and I have done a lot since I decided to compete in fact I lost 3.75” off my body which is great when you consider where I was in May. I can’t give up now no matter how much I want cheese, pizza, pasta, cheese, and whatever else I am craving in the morning. I know that I can do this and I am almost there.
I believe in myself, I have faith, I can see my goal, I will keep going and I will keep growing!
Another point that came out of our group coaching call was – Insecurity. We all deal with it and guess what it never goes away and that is from a woman who seems to have it all. She expressed that one of the major reasons insecurity doesn’t go away is because we are constantly growing and striving to grow. Growth has many challenges and insecurity is a huge one – Can I do this? What if everyone looks better, What if I fall, I bet I will look like a big fat tub of lard, I have big thighs, is this cellulite ever going away? What do I do if everyone laughs at me? What if no one cheers for me? What if they boo me off stage – how humiliating will that be?? What if I……
I could keep going on about what insecurities run through my head throughout the day but I keep reminding myself that I am running my own race and I am competing with where I was a year ago in Hawaii. I weighed 200 pounds and thought I looked great and you know what I did compared to the me one year/6 months before that. I am consistently improving and growing and I encounter insecurity even with training. Am I doing this exercise right, why are those people looking at me, what do people thinks when they see me, I don’t have the strength to do this, am I sure I can do this – it seems so hard and on and on and on. I have to push those voices out of my head – I can’t listen to insecurity and hogwash like that because I can do anything I want.
A key strategy for dealing with insecurity is FAITH. Now I know we have all heard this before and believe me this is not about religion it is having faith in your abilities. If you believe it can happen, think about all the things we didn’t have 100 years ago that we have now or even 25 years ago (i.e. cell phones with the internet). Lori explained that it is important to “Envision yourself at your end goal. Push out negative thoughts.” I ask, “If you can imagine yourself at your end goal then how can you get there? “ “How will you be able to push out negative thoughts if you can’t see yourself succeeding at your goals?” What is the reason for your inability to see yourself succeed?” There could be a million reasons and sometimes it is because we are not committed to the goal at hand or that we haven’t made it a priority. “What is stopping you from success?? Is it you?”
When I started this journey I had a lot of self doubt and insecurities, so I started telling myself 10 positive things about myself three times a day and forced myself to write them down for like four days. I was determined to write 10 different things down every day and guess what I DID. I ended up writing over 40 positive things about me and my ability to achieve my goals. (I read this in an Oxygen Magazine). It really helped me put things into perspective – I have a ton more positive things than negative ones to focus on. I enjoyed this process because it forced me to really think about myself. This is another way to deal with insecurity – FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF
- I am beautiful
- I am powerful
- I make a difference in the lives of families affected by violence
- I am a great girlfriend
- I am a wonderful friend
- I have achieved many goals
- I have the discipline and focus required to achieve my goals
- I have overcome tragedy and loss
- I prove every day that I am capable of doing anything I want
- I am strong
Gratitude and helping others were also things that seemed to be important in our coaching call. I feel that it is important to be thankful to those who help you succeed. I don’t think that we are capable of success 100% by ourselves. There are people who support us, believe in our ideas, mentor us, provide us guidance, and purchase what we sell. I could not grow as a therapist if I didn’t have clients who continued to come back to see me. It is important to recognize that people help us achieve our goals and we need to be thankful. Right now my focus is on the competition and I am thankful for the following: My boyfriend, my coach, my friends, my family, anyone who reads my blog, the gyms for being open when I want to go, the local college for allowing public use of their track and the people at the stores who answer my questions when I need help finding the things I need to be able to fuel my body appropriately. All these people help me succeed at my goal, even though I have the drive to do it myself – it takes support to achieve success. In regards to helping others, my goal is to be able to help other women reach their goals.
Wow – I have reflected a lot and as I was looking at the notes I took there are still four more pages. That phone call was packed with so much information and I didn’t even realize it until right now as I am processing.
Another aspect of our coaching call explored – Define what you want and why. Setting the goal is not the only important thing. Why you want to achieve it is just as important as the goal if not more important. So why compete in a figure competition, why get healthier? Well for me part of it has to do with getting back to the root of who I am, getting toxic relationships and people out of my body and proving to myself that I can accomplish a fitness goal that probably less than 1% of the population even consider doing. I want to be healthy and strong so I can live as long as possible in a “healthy” way – physically and emotionally. That is why I have decided to do what I am doing. Also I want to be a positive role model to others who want to do it but don’t have the inner strength to do it alone.
Lori said the why should be so crystal clear that you can’t live without achieving your goal and that there is no other option but the goal. Right now this is how I feel about competing in the figure/bikini competition and not just that just continuing to work on my physique and health/fitness beyond the competition. I have to succeed at this to create a better now and future for myself and my family (Kirk, Raven & Ava). I can see myself succeeding and many times that is how I make it through a workout. I focus on what I will look like when I walk across the stage and how I will feel having accomplished this goal. It is funny because as I am working out visualizing these things to get me through – I can’t help but to smile and give myself a high-five for achieving my goal and hearing my friends and family cheer for me. I even envision myself making top 10 (hey a girl can dream – it is possible) and if I don’t who cares, I still achieved my goal, which is to compete in a figure/bikini competition. Plain and simple – JUST COMPETE.
Our coaching call also took us self knowledge. We reflected on what are the practices that increase self-knowledge. These are four questions for you to ponder to help you become more aware of yourself. 1) When do I feel most like myself? 2) What am I doing when I love myself the most 3) When do I feel great and happy?
Here are my answers to those questions 1) I feel most like myself when I am at the gym being active and teaching/training at the boxing gym. I also feel like myself when I am helping people explore and problem solve on a deeper emotional level. 2) When I love myself to most….well right now it is when I am pushing myself beyond my limits physically, so again – when I am working out and training and seeing the results of what I am doing. 3) I feel great and happy when I have just finished an awesome workout and did more than I thought I could at the beginning. I also feel great and happy when I make my boyfriend smile and laugh. Another time I feel great and happy is when I help a family who is struggling with trauma and I can actually see them make progress towards resolving things.
Lori left us with some thoughts before answering questions we had and they were insightful 1) Putting yourself out there will scare you 2) You were created to touch different people 3) Stick with what your heart is telling you.
In thinking about these three thoughts – I remember how I came to the decision to do a blog about my journey and wrestled with my fears about posting pictures of myself as I progressed. It was hard to decide but at the same time made the most sense. If I wanted to help people in the future, it would be important that they had a clear understanding of my story and that would be best documented through pictures and a blog. It definitely scares me but at the same time people have praised me for having such courage and isn’t courage being able to face your fears, not the absence of fear. Second, my blog and journey will hopefully touch and motivate others with their goals. It doesn’t matter if they are health and fitness or not but just for people to continue to believe in themselves. Third, my heart continually focuses on helping others but also confirms that the best way to do this is by first taking good care of myself. I talk with all the parents I work with about the importance of good self care; therefore I feel in my heart that it is my responsibility to reflect that though my practice and my life.
Finally in the call I sought out guidance on how to manage all life when training for a figure competition and Lori’s response resonated with me. She shared that first plan head because that is important to succeed, next forgive yourself – you will make mistakes, trust the process and your coach, pay attention to your family and make sure you communication with them about why this is important to you, and most importantly remain balanced and BE NICE.
Kirk and I have had a couple bumpy weeks and a lot of it has to do with my decision to do this competition. It takes me away from my other responsibilities. We have recently been able to have some good conversations and since then he has been able to be more supportive and I continue to try to be empathic to his perspective and I try to BE NICE when he is irritating me. It helps to know there is only 7 weeks left until the competition. I know that once we make it through this we will be a stronger couple.
Finally the last part of this phone call that really helped me gain insight about my experience was this:
- Dream – Act – Fix
- It’s a process – you can tweak as you go
- It’s a learning process – about yourself and how to do things better
- Don’t Regret Your Mistakes – if you don’t make them how will you learn an become better.
I hope you enjoyed reading this excerpt from my personal journal, I feel that sometimes I don't share enough of my personal insight process. Thank you again for supporting me on my journey.
