Final Countdown to the Competition Stage

Only five days left until the competition and it has been a good yet challenging week.  My exercises have changed and so has my food.  Although I think I am doing well, I am battling cheats everyday especially when I am at work.  I have faced some thoughts of self doubt and struggled to get them out of my head.  Last week I had a very difficult day mentally and it was important for me to work through that.  Self doubt and over expectation came up from behind and tried to derail me.  I started to think that I could have done better, I hadn't done enough, I didn't look as good as I wanted to, I was starting to think about how fat and full of cellulite I would look on stage and that my bikini fit too tight.  All these thoughts were starting to mess with me briefly but I was able to get them under control and process how far I have come.

To rid myself of these evil demons (which do come back sometimes), I started to think about my behavior a year ago and what I weighed, how I looked and how I felt physically and emotionally.  I thought about my desire to "want" to do a figure/bikini competition but never failing to make any more progress than to put it on a list of things to do this year and it would of course get rolled over to the next year.  Well not this year, this year before I turn 36 I will have competed in a bikini competition,  I have lost almost 50 pounds since I weighed my heaviest and since I decided to compete and after the holidays, I have lost 25 pounds of those.  I have also lost over 6% body fat, which is so important.  I have changed many habits, actually truly working out several times a week, previously I just went to Kempo which was great because it helped me lose 12-15 pounds but then I hit a plateau.  I started working out here and there and when I did great I would make progress, but as soon as I stopped it would come back.  I also had a difficult time keeping my nutrition clean even 70% of the time because in one week I would do great the first three-five days and then sabotage myself on the weekend.  Now I am able to follow a competition meal plan, which I might say, is definitely harder than a "normal"   healthy meal plan.  I also cut drinking and to be honest, I like this, I wake up refreshed and don't have to spend a whole day recovering or two from a hang over.  And even though I have battled with cheating, I have come a long way from my habits before.

I feel physically and mentally stronger and healthier.  Before I started training for the competition I had terrible knee pain and was diagnosed with mild medial osteoarthritis in both my knees.  Most my patella hurt (which is pain the goes vertical in the middle of your knee).  Now I am able to do 500 walking lunges in 20 minutes with no knee pain and 6 sets of a Plyometric workout in 20 minutes, and do track sprints - 100 meters.  Funny story about the track sprints, the last time I was doing them a friend was with me and when we got to the  track there was the college track team practicing.  We still got to use the track but of course had to move to the outside of the track.  So as I was sprinting one of my 100 meters, when I do to the end one of the girls training said "you are inspiring me."  I said thank you but thought to myself "wow me inspiring her....that is awesome and totally empowering.  Here I am not very fast compared to them, but I was actually inspiring her."  I am very proud of that moment and that moment only came because I decided to compete in this bikini competition and because I hired an awesome coach who sent me out to do track sprints.  Which I have to say I absolutely love and will keep it as part of my weekly workout.

Another way I have recently keep those evil demons out of my head was go through my closet and try things on.  It is funny because I have another whole bag of things that fall off me, so that makes two full garbage bags for me to donate.  I still have a bunch of clothes that are too big but I can still pull off wearing them for a another month (I hope).  This year I will to ask people for money or gift cards to go shopping with for my birthday. Some clothes I got from a friend when she lost a lot of weight and some things went from being to small to being to big, I never got to wear them at the just right stage but hey I am good this that.  I know before too long I will have cycled though all my clothes.  Which is weird because I am the type of girl that keeps clothes for a long time at least five years and I have some from seven years ago.  But again this shows me that I have made considerable progress.

At last to keep focused on my progress I have a progression college that I look at almost daily and it is so weird because I look at my pictures and I feel like I stare at them for hours (but it's probably like 5-10 minutes - ok 30 max but usually that is when I am sending an update to my coach and comparing the new ones to the old ones).  I can't get over how much my body has changed and how I can pull off wearing the bikini I am on stage and I believe "I will rock the stage in my sexy body, that I slaved over."  Its funny a friend was telling me about showing her daughter who is like 5 or 6 my last blog with the progression pictures while she was eating (I think) and her daughter stopped, her jaw dropped and she said "how can that even be the same person?" Kids say things that are so honest and innocent and it amazes me how right she is.  I am not that person but I have grown because I was that person.  I know what it is like to strive to reach a goal, fall down, get back up, fall again, get back up and face every challenge head on.  I am not physically the same and I am not mentally the same - I am stronger, fitter, healthier and capable of whatever I put my mind too.

Five days left and I will be walking across the stage.  Luckily I will be doing it with my friend and I thank you every day that I get closer to my goal because without her event invite to the 2nd Annual Jay Cutler Desert Classic, I probably would still be doing the same thing expecting a different result, which is basically the definition of insanity. I am so blessed to have a great support system, from my boyfriend, to my coach, to my friends and family and everyone on Facebook who likes my posts or comments on them.  It means a lot to me and keeps me motivated that you all care enough to follow my progress.  I haven't been able to blog and share as much as I wanted to but I have continued to do it, to hold myself accountable and to be true to my word. In the book the Four Agreements - the first agreement is "Be Impeccable to Your Word" - I have tried to do this through my journey and I think it is working.

The final prepping moments are here, hotel booked - done, haircut - done, makeup run though - done but will do again, workouts and food prepping still to do.  Nails, spray tan and pedicure still to do.  Packing - still to do.  I have some last minute things to do but overall I feel confident, I know I have done enough and that what I have done has been good enough.  I will glide across the stage with grace and confidence as I show off my sexy body that I worked and sacrificed for.

I know that I wont be the skinniest girl or the fittest girl, but 

I am the skinniest, fittest, and sexist me 

and that is what competing is about.  

COMPETING SELF AGAINST SELF, OLD vs. NEW.