Now What....

So Now What.... is one of the questions I have been struggling with however I know what. The what is the upcoming photo shoot in June where I will get to meet the other amazing women in the coaching program with my coach Jill.  However even though I know the what, I still am asking now what.

Last week was incredibly challenging - mentally.  After the competition, I was on a competition high, "no one and nothing can stop me!!"  However after that wore off, I have struggling refocusing.  Mainly it has been incorporating new foods, normal foods back into my nutrition plan.  I feel like I have gone a little bit hog wild.  I have been able to justify my behavior by saying things like "I deserve this, it is okay I am allowed to have some cheat meals or little indulges" but that is not serving me well.  It is hurting me and a form of self-sabotage.  I knew I would gain some weight back after the competition it is inevitable because I was dehydrating so once I put water back into my diet 5 pounds was going to come back, but then I added about another 5 more following my birthday.  Which is still great, especially when I was able to by a size 6 pair of jeans, even if they were from Old Navy the tag says 6.  However, with that said I am fearful of back sliding and find myself struggling to maintain a balanced meal plan - one day I do great and then I blow it or I do great part of the day but then eat candy from work or a slice of pizza with dinner when I ordered soup and salad.  

One thing that I am realizing is that I was very dedicated to my competition plan, and I only realized that because I am noticing my behavior now.  I don't think I thought I was being that diligent but I was.  I wasn't having candy and eating pizza, when we went out to eat I was able to order the healthiest thing on the menu.  Its weird because I think right now I miss my competition meal plan - not necessarily the rigid dedication to it but I miss some of the meals, I miss the energy I got from eating the clean food, I miss the stevia sweetened green tea which I though of as my special treat.  I just miss how good I felt eating on that plan.  My new post-competition plan is good and I like it but there are some things missing, like oat bran with stevia and cinnamon.  I know I am weird but oddly enough those foods became comforts and sources of excitement.  

Figuring out how to get that fire back it important, the NOW WHAT? do I do after the competition.  I am excited about the photo shoot but I don't know why it doesn't drive more excitement into me when I think about eating clean.  I just don't know what to do without going back on a competition plan and that is not a solution to the issue, that is a band-aid and eventually I am going to have to face this issue head on, so I might as well do it now.  Luckily, in my most recent email to my coach, I shared my struggles and requested guidance.  However ultimately it is up to me because she has already given me a post-competition meal plan that is good and I like, but there is just something missing and that might be the feeling of focusing on a goal. I think that I am not looking at the photo shoot the same as the competition and this is something that I might not ever be able to do but acknowledging it is important so I can work on it.  I am planning on competing in another competition however I would love to move into Figure instead of bikini and to do that I know I have to really focus on lifting heavy and eating clean and the sooner I figure out this mental issue of self sabotage the sooner I will be on track to build for Figure.  I just don't want to be "now what" after the next competition.  

As I write this blog, I continue to ask myself Now What??? I think the "Now What" is to get back to my original goal of obtaining my optimal physique and to start taking steps for achieving a physique muscular, tone and fit enough to compete again in November.  Starting now and finding balance will help get me closer to that goal and also help me manage the "Now What" when I am done.  I wonder if I should be treating the photo shoot like a competition. Should I follow a stricter plan however allowing one cheat meal a week instead of little indulges. I think I might be happier with myself and my choices if I continue to make the ones that get me to my goal instead of the ones that come more natural (my bad habits).  Sometimes old habits die hard but they must die when they are no longer serving me in a healthy way.

This is my week to figure out a plan that I can work with for the next several months and work through negative choices that don't serve me.  It will be important for me to figure out what I like from my competition plan and incorporate it with my post-competition plan.  Talking with my coach and exploring self sabotage will be crucial as well as talking about coming of the post-competition high and getting advice about how to manage it and move forward without moving backwards.  So to wrap it up (since it's my bedtime), the first thing I will do is get up in the morning and workout, when I get home I will look at my different plans and see what I can come up with and then review that along with how I am feeling with my coach.  After that I will need to continue to blog about my challenges and success, focus on my goal and create stops and spaces for breathing and reflecting.  I have to remember these two things as well

 1) Be kind to myself 
 2) Trust the process.